10 Reasons Why Visiting My Dad Is Like Going to Another Country

10. You wash your face with freezing cold water.

9. The toilet doesn't work without some manual maneuvering.

8. Food is scarce.

7. When you walk outside, you can't be sure people will speak English.

6. It smells.

5. You have jet lag when you go home, waking up at 4:00 am like your body became used to.

4. Antibacterial soap.

3. You have internet, but scarce cell service.

2. Normal rules and laws do not apply.

1. Spiders, bugs and mice.. oh my!!

How Do You Wash Paper?

When I was little I got carsick often. One time while on the way to Lubbock, I sat in the back of the suburban. I was a big reader even then and was totally consumed in a story. For one reason or another, my mother had given me ibuprofen. Well, about halfway down the road, I threw up. All over the book I was reading. To tell you the truth, I couldn't ever finish it. It smelled horrible. I could swear years later it still smelled that way. How do you wash paper?

This past Sunday was a long day. I woke up early and read my book in bed while drinking coffee. My sweet puppy accompanied this moment by laying by side sleeping. I went to church and then served lunch to the homeless at Impact. Then, back at the church I met up with Marty who was singing with his accapella group later that night. We visited for a while and then I left to get a smoothie. Back to the church for hot dogs and the concert. The concert was fantastic! Afterwards, I was glad to get home. Not to mention, poor Hurley had been cooped up all day. I took him on a short walk, hoping this would give him enough exercise to soothe him for a little while. I took a bath and hopped into bed with hopes of finally finishing my book. I prop my pillows up just right and allow Hurley up because he looked so dang cute with his puppy eyes. Well, about one paragraph into my reading, I decide Hurley needs to be on the ground. He was romping every which way and driving me bananas. So, I put him down and ignore a few whimpers as I continue reading. Finally, he decides to forget about me and starts running all over the house. I don't mind, because I am really enjoying my book. After some time it's very quiet. You know what this means. He's into something.

I guess I should start by saying that Hurley is doing very well with potty training. However, for the past several days, I have smelled something near the door that makes me think he's gone to the bathroom. I sniff around and investigate, but never find anything. As I crawl out of bed to search for my little darling, an aroma wafts towards me. THAT'S IT! He's really gone this time. So, once again, I attempt to find the "mess". It's no where to be found. Where could he have gone? I decide to get down on his level and sniff around. I stop when I get to my school bag, placed on the floor. HE WOULDN'T. Yep. That's where the smell is coming from. I am fuming as I pull back pieces of paper, waiting to find this mystery turd. My suspicions are not confirmed when I find an old bottle with the cap off. Hurley had not gone to the bathroom.

Oh, about a month ago, I had gone to a training and taken a homemade protein shake with strawberries for breakfast. I put it in one of those reusable water bottles from Target. It was about a fourth full and lay forgotten in my bag. Apparently, this is the smell I had been smelling all this time. Hurley had dug and somehow opened the cap, spilling the rotten contents into my bag. I am holding my breath at this discover and start to pull things out and lay them on the table. I can't simply throw these papers away, I need them for school in August! I start wipe them off and douse them in fabreeze. Then, I pour the bottle's contents down the drain. This opens a whole new can of worms, as now my sink is contributing to the smell. I pour bleach into the bottle and fill it with water to soak. Then I pour bleach down the drain. Not that it helps much. I am frantic to get this dreadful smell as far as possible from my house. I throw the nasty paper towels in the trash and empty the bag completely. I throw it in the washer and am fabreezing EVERYTHING. I have now spread the smell from it's contained bottle, to the entire house. What was I thinking?? I am very frustrated at such an interruption in my plans. I shut the doors to my room in hopes that the smell with not follow me there. As I get into bed I see a small wet spot on my comforter. Well, I know I didn't do it. With as much control as I can muster at this point, I take Hurley and put him in his crate. Then, remembering I still have to feed him, I get a scoop of food and all but throw it at him.

It is morning now. The smell is still there, even after more rounds of fabreeze and bleach AND emptying the trash. And, I'm stuck with these papers until I can make copies and throw the soiled ones away. The smell haunts me.

How do you wash paper?

10 Honest Truths

Michelle did this and I thought I would do the same!

Ok, let's face it. I'm a teacher who should be cleaning her house right now... but instead, playing on the internet! Ok, here goes:

The Rules:

- Tell your readers 10 honest things about you that they may not know.

- Tag 10 bloggers to do the same.

1. I am terrified of spiders.

2. I love natural disasters and am a little disappointed if the destruction is minimal.

3. If I get desperate enough, I will pour chocolate chips into a peanut butter jar and eat with a spoon.

4. I have photo albums in chronological order from birth. I update them every six months with every single picture I have taken. You are probably in some of them.

5. I almost never wash my car. And my hair is rarely clean either.

6. I spanked my one pound puppy.

7. They had to give me Valium when I got my wisdom teeth pulled. I hate the dentist.

8. I get a sense of satisfaction in crumbling egg shells before throwing them away.

9. I am addicted to coffee, chocolate, reorganizing and checking my email.

10. I don't believe in ghosts, love at first sight or global warming.

So there you have it. And, I'm not sure any of my few readers will actually do this, so I'm not tagging anyone. :)

The Emerald Isle...

My iPhone didn't know how to post pictures... so here goes it on the computer!

I am standing in front of a castle-- those were close to the best part about this place.

Ireland is very green!

This is the Irish National Stud... he is a very expensive racehorse bred all over the world.

And these are the cliffs of Moher. They were beautiful!

---

Ireland was a wonderful place to visit. You've gotta love a country that believes in magic and loves to have a good time. Our plane ride home was just about as interesting as the one over! An Irish woman with 4 children (yes, four) got on the plane. Before take off, the kids were running amok and concerning passengers left and right. For the duration of the 7 hour flight, the mother would yell, "Miley! Sit down, Miley!! Miley!!!" (Please reread that with a hoarse Irish accent) Then she would yell, "Geri! Geri! Shut up, Geri!" HA! Just what I had been thinking! It didn't do any good. Each child visited the bathrooms at least 37 times each. They jumped around and bumped into passengers, all the while the mother screamed their names. At one point she leaned over and tried to spank them with her ear phones. They snuck into first class and rattled everyone's cage. One of them hid from his mother for about 10 minutes. She wasn't too concerned. Before landing in New York, this ill equipped mother changed each of the children into rather cute matching outfits for their arrival. Then, she proceeded to go to the bathroom to change herself. Who was watching the children? Good question.

After a 7 hour lay over in New York we finally made it back to Houston. I'm pretty sure I could hear, "Geri!!! Shut up, Geri! GERI!!!!!!!!!" in my sleep. Irish talking, of course.

It's good to be back, I love the USA.

The Emerald Isle

Rollin, Rollin, Rollin

In beautiful Ireland, there are about 42 different shades of green. It is magnificently pretty. On our tour through the countryside, we bounced along little rural roads through fields and hills. On occasion, a spot would spring up that constitutes a photo. On our last stop, we parked near a farmer's gate to look out over the bay. We landed the massive charter bus on a steep incline, and used every bit of break power possible to keep from sliding down the hill.

Before exiting, we were warned to stay off the farmer's land. He is apparently known for spreading manure on the gate to ward off curious tourists. With that noted, we climbed out, snapped a quick picture and boarded the bus again. It was about 11:30 and hunger was setting in. The women I am traveling with packed fantastic snacks, AND they share. :)

After all had found their seat, it was fairly quiet (our chatty tour guide had yet to appear) except for the sound of Lori's voice offering peanut m&ms. We couldn't resist. She passed them to the seat behind her, and finally to us. After Lisa and I each had a handful, I attempted to pass the large bag of candy back up to Lori. My endeavor proved faulty as the sugary loot slipped out of my fingers and landed on the floor of the bus. Ordinarily this would not have been quite the tragic situation; however, as we were on a steep incline, the sound of marbles barreling down the bus echoed in the weary silence. Embarrassed, I ducked as all eyes turned to set accusations.

And THAT, perhaps, is why you aren't supposed to have food on the bus. I owe Lori some m&ms.

Blankity Blank Cussword, Four Letter Word

Miles above the earth, in the dark of night, when all should be sleeping, a passenger aboard a 777 became disgruntled.

The evening coffees had just been served, and I was busy fashioning a drug cocktail to help me sleep on the long, cramped flight. It consisted of Advil pm and sudafed. That should do the trick! My thinking was focused on making the flight seem as quick as possible, while setting my body to European time. I had planned masterfully. Comfy eye mask- check! Neck pillow- check! iPod equipped with John Mayer sleepy time playlist- check check!! What could ruin my full proof plan??

An UNKNOWN country band, on their way to Paris from Austin, happened to sit next to and behind us. At some point during dinner, a mysterious event occurred. At which, the hardly gentleman behind me became deeply offended. Consequently, for the next SEVEN hours he proceeded in using every form of profanity imaginable, and occasionally rammed into the seat in front of him. Ahem. It was "blankity blank this and blankity blank that. Four letter word, YOU!!"

I do think he had a very limited vocabulary, or the one that starts with F is just his favorite. Thank you, sir, for keeping me awake in a sort of drugged annoyance.

We made it to Paris safely, and went on to Ireland. At around 8 o'clock I had been awake for roughly 36 hours and traveled halfway around the world. Needless to say, I was ready for bed! Although it was still light outside at nine, I took another Advil pm ( to ensure sleep) and crawled into bed. Whew. So tired. I had no problem falling into a very deep slumber.

The next thing I know I am out of bed in a panic. "Lisa!!! Wake up!! We've missed the bus!" (Lisa is my aunt and roommate) She stumbled to her feet, grabbed her watch and said, "Its ten after ten. Why are we awake?"

Apparently I had no answer.

I am very confused at this point, when she returns from the bathroom and says, "Lauren, it's night time."

To which I reply, "Oh. I wondered why you weren't upset." And without another word, I got into bed and went to sleep.

Did you know it doesn't get dark this time of year in Ireland until 11?? I believe this, along with extreme exhaustion can be blamed for my delirious behavior that caused my poor aunt to wake up and get out of bed a mere HOUR after we'd been to sleep.

But if I'm honest, I'd like to blame the very rude dude sitting behind us on the plane. Blankity blank, YOU!!!!