Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Confessions of a NOT-So-Tough Farm Girl

I guess you could say it all started over Christmas break. Everyone was reading the Twilight series, so I thought I needed to also.  After reading those four books in about a week, I was thirsty for something else to devour. Lindsay suggested that we read the Left Behind series together and talk about it. Well, there are a good 12 books in that series. We started sometime in January and she had me read ahead of her. That way, when I finished a book, I could just pass it on to her. The problem is when she's done before I am. Because then she's without the next book-- waiting on me. Well here we are a few months later and I just finished book 10.  She was supposed to bring me book 11 but forgot it at home. So, this is why I had to drive all the way out to her house to get the next book. And, because I drove out there, I had to kiss and squeeze and play with the baby. (my favorite)... I left and came home to eat. Admittedly, this caused me to be running short on time and instead of rushing to church, I just stayed home. This leads up to the point where I am relaxing on my bed watching Lost on my computer.  I decided to catch up on some past episodes in order to be ready for tonight's new one.  I was eating some truffle Hershey kisses and dipping them into honey roasted peanut butter, when all of a sudden something caught my eye. 

My heart stopped. 

And then it moved again.  In my haven of a bed, on my perfectly matching pillow, a spider was scurrying about.  I leaped with full force ejecting myself out of the vicinity.  What to do next? Save the computer! Save the chocolate! Save the peanut butter! Leave the trash.... put on some shoes... run around aimlessly.  And then, I remembered a poisonous spray I keep under the sink for wasps.  I grew up in the panhandle and we didn't deal with those much, so I like the poison spray that zaps them dead instead of trusting my aim with a big shoe. I quickly grabbed the can, a rag and ran back to my room. I inched closer and spotted the eight legged creature again.  I held my breath. My heart was pounding so hard I could hear it echoing in my head.  I sprayed the projectile wasp poison on my perfectly matching 14.99 TJMAX down throw pillow and backed away to safety. (What was the spider going to do, fly up and get me?) The arachnid was furious with me. It scattered in circles and hopped up and down hiding under the pillow. (I'm sure it was hissing obscenities at me and spitting venom)  Well now what? I took a deep breath, counted to three and turned over the soiled pillow. And we were off to the races again! The spider took off running amok before curling on my bedspread.  I sprayed it again. This time I watched it writhing in pain, but it wasn't enough, it was STILL moving!!!! This was war. This house isn't big enough for the both of us.  I chased it onto the floor where I stomped it to its death. DIE!!!!!!!!!!!   

I won.  Sweaty, near heart failure, but victorious.  I grabbed shout and attempted to clean my poor, poor pillow. As far as casualties go, better it than me, though.  

I suppose my rough and tough upbringing masquerades me as being bullet proof. But, the truth is this: I would rather castrate a cow than deal with a spider.  

The end.  


Payton Bartee said...

I love the passion with which you write about your fears, lol. The massive amount of exclamation points was hilarious

Sevahn said...

HAHAHA! I laughed a lot at this! I can totally visualize the whole thing!